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Sometimes you have to quote the phrase that provoked the quote as well.
Also see
 (Recently added quotes appear in the beginning and are separated from the old ones by the line)
A few greetings to begin with ;-):
Hawkeye: Hi, Frank.
Trapper: Hello, Frank.
Frank: That'll be the day.
Hawkeye: Hi, Frank.
Trapper: Hello, Frank.
Frank: That doesn't scare me a bit!
Trapper: Bye, Frank.
Frank: That was totally uncalled for.
Trapper to Radar: Where did you learn to drive?
Radar: Bumper cars.
Trapper: Figures.
Col.Flagg: CIA doesn't supersede anyone's orders.
Frank: Except the president's.
Flagg: Give us time.
Hawkeye: Boy, your mind's in the gutter.
Trapper: I can't help it. It's attached to my body.
Frank: And, of course, the coffee is cold again.
Trapper: It's getting better. It's less purple.
Frank: Major Houlihan's father was under general McArthur in the cavalry.
Hawkeye to Trapper: Her father was a horse, did you know that?
General McArthur's aide: After lunch....
Hawkeye: ... and barfing thereof...
Frank: You are common drunks!
Hawkeye: This is a rumor started by people I've fallen over.
Margaret: The you agree I am fat?
Frank: Oh, Margaret, not fat fat, you are halfway between fat and thin, leaning a little bit not to the fat, but, rather, the thin side of fat.
Frank: There's no place in this room for perverts!
Hawkeye: Should we all leave alphabetically?
Frank: Need some help, Pierce?
Hawkeye: No, I'd rather save the patient.
General McArthur's aide: When answering, always use general's full name: "Yes, general McArthur", "No, general McArthur", "Thank you, general McArthur".
Trapper: God Almighty.
Hawkeye: Close, very close.
Col.Flagg: Who is your second in command?
Trapper: Frank Burns, M.D.
Hawkeye: Maniac Depressive, it's an honorary title.
Henry: You do trust Father Mulcahy?
Hawkeye: It says I should on all my money.

Frank: Oh, what about the pig sty we live in? My part in neat and tidy, but the other two parties, who shall be nameless, live like swines.
Hawkeye (turning to Trapper): Pierce
Trapper: McIntyre
Both (shaking hands): The Swine Brothers.
Hawkeye: Hold, everybody, freeze!
Sidney: What's the matter?
Hawkeye: One of these sandwiches just moved.
Colonel Flagg: Hey, up close you are a guy!
Klinger: Far away too.
Hawkeye: We brought you some champagne.
Trapper: 15 minutes ago was a very good year!
Hawkeye: We'll miss you in our hearts.
Trapper: And in the shower.
Henry: You are not married, are you, Radar?
Radar: Not to my knowledge, sir.
Henry: Why don't you call me Henry, for Pete's sake?
Margaret: That's really swell of you, Pete.
Margaret (drunk) to Radar: I wonder if I can see Colonel Blake.
Radar: I wonder if you can, too.
Hawkeye: We got you drunk your first time.
Trapper: Taught you how to drive the jeep.
Hawkeye: All on the same night.
Frank: I didn't come here to be liked.
Radar: You certainly came to the right place.
BJ: You married?
Hawkeye: Someone's gonna have to get me pregnant first.
Frank: Keep it down, I am doing something very difficult here.
Hawkeye: Trying to tie your shoe again, Frank?
Frank: 1... 2... 3... 4...
Hawkeye: Showing off for the patients again, Frank?
Margaret: I suppose you could run the war better than a five-star general.
Hawkeye: The daily news only gave him four.
Henry: Klinger, take off that dress at once!
Hawkeye: Not in front of Trapper, he is a married man.
Henry: What am I supposed to do? He is a two-star general!
Hawkeye: But he is a three-star loonie!!
General Steele: You are insubordinate!
Hawkeye: Right!
Gen. Steele: You are insolent!
Hawkeye: Right! And you are nuts!
Margaret: Seriously, Frank, knowing you'd kill me somehow makes my life worth living.
Frank: Well, I wouldn't kill just anyone, Margaret.
Potter: I made Mulcahy the new garbage officer.
Hawkeye: Some men are born to garbage, others have garbage thrust upon them.
Frank: We are still at war, you know.
Hawkeye: Oh, I guess, that explains all the boom-booms.
Henry: She'll be in her own tent, I'll be in mine.
Hawkeye: Right, now if you excuse us, we'll begin digging out the tunnel.
Henry (doing push-ups): 5... 6... 7...
Radar enters: Are you okay?
Henry: Yes.... 27.... 28... 29...
Henry: These are captains Pierce.
Hawkeye: And these are captains McIntyre.
Nancy: You just have to be Corporal O'Reilly!!!
Radar: Yes, I guess I have to be.
Hawkeye: Cause nobody else wants to be.
Margaret (feeling something under the table): Frank, is that your knee?
Frank: I thought it was yours.
Margaret: Well, as long as it's ours.
Hawkeye: I'd give 10 dollars for this war to be over.
Trapper: Put me down for ten.
Hawkeye: 20 bucks! How could they turn us down?
Trapper: We could go up to 25, but don't tell them that in the beginning.
Trapper: Klinger, how can you wear just a skirt in a cold like this?
Klinger: You think it's easy being a nut?
Radar is holding the letter up to the light.
Trapper and Hawkeye enter.
Trapper: Radar, what are you doing?
Radar (quickly hiding the letter): Sorting the mail.
Hawkeye: Otherwise known as a sneak preview.
Frank: There's one of those in the camp.
Trapper: One of those?
Hawkeye: Which one of those thoses do you mean, Frank?
Klinger: I have to confess. I am a communist.......
Henry: Bolshevik.
Klinger: No, honest!!!
Hnery: in tents like animals.
Hawkeye: I didn't know animals live in tents.
Margaret: I don't know which one of you is more obscene.
Trapper (poiting to Hawkeye): He is. We took a poll.
Henry: Who?
Radar: Chaplain who does water skiing and circumcisions.
Henry: Hey, those are good hobbies!
Klinger: My girl, Laverne, she said "yes"! She agreed to marry me!
Henry: Has she ever seen you, Klinger?
Klinger: We've been dating since high school, of course, she's seen me!
Henry: I mean recently!
Hawkeye: Nurse, you are out of uniform.
Nurse: Where?
Hawkeye: How about my tent in 5 minutes?
General Barker: Doesn't anybody in this outfit ever goes to bed??
Radar: Only on duty, sir.
That's a classic:
Hawkeye: Radar, tell him: no ox, no ox!
Radar (to Korean): No ox, no ox!
Frank: Sir, I wonder if I can say something useful.
Trapper: I've often wondered that myself.
Trapper: Klinger is not a pervert!
Margaret: How do you know?
Trapper: Because I am one, and he's never at the meetings.
Frank: The minute you surrender, they infiltrate and crawl right into your perimeter!
Hawkeye: Please, there are ladies here, Frank.
Radar: She outranks you. She's got more things on her uniform.
Hawkeye: She's got more things in her uniform!
Margaret: That's so unlike you. You don't like outdoors.
Frank: Thar's ridiculous! I love outdoors! Anytime I'm not indoors that's where you find me!
Klinger: Sorry for the mess.
Radar: I cleaned it for 2 hours! There was another mess under it!
Hawkeye (speaking about an artery graft): This looks like a piece of spagettini, we need rigatoni!
Kellye: Doctor, I am part Chinese and part Hawaiian. Can you put that in ethnic measurements I can understand?
Hawkeye: A small egg roll.
Kellye: That I understand.
Potter: Any other gripes?
Hawkeye: I've got my own gripes, sour gripes! I am bored bored bored bored bored.
BJ: Ahh, man overbored!
This one may be not really hilarious, but I just love it:
Charles: Another 20 hours and we'll be relieved of this munchkin hoard.
BJ: Charles, have you been hoarding munchkins again?
Charles: Unworthy of you.
Frank: This man is Chinese!
Hawkeye: Then we'll operate with chopsticks.
Sergeant: All right, what's in the package?
Hawkeye: Ribs from Chicago.
Sgt: Adam's Ribs?
Trapper: Oh God, he's one of you.
Margaret:  They love you, Frank
Frank: It was their hatred that fooled me
Frank: It's not normal!
Trapper: What's "normal", Frank?
Frank: "Normal" is everybody doing the same thing.
Hawkeye: What about individuality, Frank?
Frank: Individuality's fine - as long as we all do it together.
BJ: Tell Cpt. Pierce what you just told me.
Sgt. Blanchard: Are you sure he is okay?
BJ: He is not okay, but you can trust him.
BJ and Hawk: Colonel, we'd like a word.
Potter: Take any word you like. It's yours.
Frank to Radar: what are you doing in that dress, soldier?
Radar: Sweating, sir.
Radar (watching Donald and Margaret kissing): they must really like each other!
BJ: How come they close their eyes?
BJ: why don't we toast the happy couple.
Hawkeye: They are too big for our toaster.
Margaret: Father, will you join us in a wedlock?
Hawkeye: No, Father, three is a crowd.
Frank: Mmmm, with raisins!
Igor: No, sir, -- flies!
Potter: Hawkeye, fire that weapon!
Hawkeye (taking the gun and talking to it): You are fired. ... I did it as gently as I could.
Frank: I am confining you to quarters, Klinger!
Hawkeye: I am confining you to quarters, too. Give me all your nickels and dimes.
Frank: How could anybody use my face?
Hawkeye: How about for a doormat?
Klinger (pouring coffee into Potter's cup): How would you like a delicious cup of coffee, sir?
Potter: I'd love it
Klinger: Me too. This stuff stinks.
Margaret: I haven't received a letter from my fiance in four days, colonel.
Hawkeye: Want me to write you one?
Charles: "Colonel, what's wrong? You look awful."
Potter: "I'm glad you noticed. I'd hate to feel this rotten and have it just be my little secret."
Klinger: "Colonel, if you can hear me knock three times. If you can't, knock twice."
[knock, knock]
Klinger: "Oh Lord, he's dead."
Potter: Would somebody please change the subject.
Hawkeye: Why? Did it wet itself?

Potter: Radar, how do you see thru those filthy glasses?
Radar: I know where everything is.
Radar: Well, you just spoke to the hospital. She hasn't even gone into labor yet.
Henry: Don't argue with me. It's bad enough that she's having a baby and I can't even be there with her.
Radar: Well, at least you were there for the important part.
Charles: What is that odor?
Radar: North wind cesspool, east wind latrine.
Charles: The wind is from the South.
Radar: Oh, that's the kitchen.
Henry: That scotch you just poured is rye.
Margaret: That's okay, the champagne I just had was gin.
Henry: Boy I sure wish I knew what was going on.
Radar: Oh I'll tell you later, sir.
Henry: You always say that, Radar, but you never do.
Radar: It's your wife, your anniversary call.
Frank: But that was last month.
Radar: I just got through.
Potter: And give me some of the hashblue potatoes
Igor: Good choice Sir
Nurse:"Can I get a hernia?"(said while trying to cram a record amout of people into a Jeep)
Hawkeye:"Of course, but rent one first to see if you really like it"
Frank: I love it here.
Potter: Either you or Klinger is nuts; now I've got to figure out which one
Flagg: That all depends on HQ.
Henry: HQ
Flagg: Why did you say HQ? Whoever told you about HQ?
Henry: Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg.
Flagg: Who's Colonel Flagg?
Hawkeye: Bored
BJ: So bored
Hawkeye: So bored it's boring
BJ: Boringdingding
Hawkeye: Boronus, Boretis, Boremus. I came, I saw, I bored
BJ: He bored, she bored, they bored
Hawkeye: All aboard
BJ: I was gonna say that!
BJ: You know, I finally figured what it is I hate about winter.
Father Mulcahy: What's that?
BJ: The cold.
Hawkeye and BJ are singing under the shower
Charles: Do you realize that you're singing two entirely different operas and they're both out of tune?
Hawkeye: Don't blame me, I didn't write this stuff
Hawleye: Oh sorry baby.
Margaret: Major to you!
Hawkeye: Sorry Major Baby.
BJ: The tent is spinning around.
Hawkeye: Which way?
BJ: Clockwise.
Hawkeye: Mine is going counterclockwise. Maybe together we are sober.
BJ: Surgery, Hawk
Hawkeye: Good, have my brains removed.
Radar: Sir, can I eat? It's meat loaf.
Potter: Enjoy the mystery.
Frank: I am here to relieve you.
Hawkeye: You do resemble an enema.
Radar (speaking of his temporary tattoo): It will come off when I take a bath.
Hawkeye: My God, it is permanent.
Kyoung Soon: What is "Hawk"?
Hawkeye: It's sort of a cute vulture.
Margaret: Don't you ever shave?
Hawkeye: Just my legs.
Margaret: I am going to get you a new shirt. This one's nice, but I hate it.
Hawkeye: This shirt has stains on it that hold some fond memories for me.
Charles: What you need is a humility transplant.
Hawkeye: Unfortunately, you'll never be a donor.
Potter: As you were!
Hawkeye: I'm always as I were, but thanks anyway.
Hawkeye (about BJ taking Charles' caviar): Did Charles mind?
BJ: Didn't say a word. Didn't even wake up.
Margaret (in the jeep with Hawk): Do you have to sing?
Hawkeye: I didn't bring my tap shoes.
Margaret: Why are you taking this road?
Hawkeye: Because they are not shelling it! I'm trying to avoid roads that are in a process of disappearing.
Margaret: Drive ahead, they didn't hit anything.
Hawkeye: They hit the road! You didn't call that anything!
Margaret: How can a grown man be so mechanically incompetent?!
Hawkeye: I take a lot of cabs.
BJ: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Hawkeye: If you're thinking what I'm thinking, are you thinking of stinking?
Klinger: You are a nice guy, Father.
Mulcahy: I am a priest. We specialize in nice.
Mulcahy: Good news! No more wounded!
Potter: Thank Heaven.
Mulcahy: And the manager thereof.
BJ: It's in Korean.
Radar: That's my handwriting.
(Hawkeye tastes the gin and nearly chokes on it)
Radar: How can you sirs do that to yourselves?
Hawkeye: Everybody's got to have a hobby.
BJ: Ours is committing suicide.
Hawkeye: Why aren't you sweating?
Charles: In the first place, I don't sweat, I perspire. In the second place, I don't perspire.
Klinger: Maybe he is cheating?
Hawkeye: How? I hid all the aces.
Klinger: It's green, it moves...
Hawkeye: My lunch.
Hawkeye: "Sidney, what's the psychiatric basis for gambling?"
Sidney: "Sex."
Hawkeye: "Why?"
Sidney: "I don't know. They told me to say it. Sex is why we gamble. Sex is why we drink. Sex is why we give birth. "
Hawkeye: "Thank you, doctor."
Sidney: "I'm taking a five dollar chip. That was a house call."